Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
