for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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