I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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