I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
