The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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