Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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