Please, let me fuck your mom
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
