It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
