i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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