just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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