I heard we made out
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
