Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
