***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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