new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
