she looked like the bat from fern gully.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
