there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
