Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
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please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize