theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She has the best kind of daddy issues
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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