I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize