everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize