There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
