fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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