Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Someone shit on the floor
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
