We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Drunk is a universal language darling
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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