Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
