I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
