In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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