Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
