I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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