I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
