So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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