Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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