If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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