Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
