My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
