Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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