I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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