I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
