So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
