We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
