I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
