I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
