just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
