When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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