Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
