So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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