her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
