Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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