you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
