Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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