I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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