I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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