It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
