I must be too annoying 4 u.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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