he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
