he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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