we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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