apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
MIDGETS
????
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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