cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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