you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
How's work?
Spinning.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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