I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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