Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
