She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
