i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
