The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
