Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
