How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
