well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
