Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this will be a night to untag.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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