the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
