Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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