All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
