Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
