I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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