Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
