i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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