we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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