i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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