What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
